Saturday, January 9, 2010

Kennel

Hi

I'm Dr Sasha Kennel, renowned puppy surgeon.



Although, in general, I like to keep my days full by sleeping, looking after my human, sleeping, eating, sleeping, getting tummy tickles, sleeping, going for walks and sleeping, I think it's important to also have a hobby.

Whenever my human selfishly abandons me goes to work, or busies herself with some frivolous nonsense the housework, I like to while away the endless hours take advantage of the few quiet moments to look to the health of my stuffies.

I'm a great stuffitarian, and I hate to see them in pain. And while I prefer non-invasive treatments, such as tummy-tickles (for me), sometimes I have no alternative but to operate.

This is my racoon stuffy. Initially I denasalled him - you can see where my human, somewhat misguidedly, stitched him up again. Unfortunately, his dacronian pressure, which had been relieved by the initial denasalment, increased to unacceptable levels, and I was forced to perform a disentailment.



My star stuffy is quite new, and one day after my human told me off for eating the table, I sought peace and quiet by providing star with a badly-needed pointillism.



Here are some examples of my earlier work...

Tentacleputation.



Elasticeptomy.



Debeakenisation.



I've been paying special attention to some recent arrivals from England (sent to me by the lovely JD & Max). Because of the long and arduous journey these stuffies had to suffer, I've been making sure their health is completely up to scratch.

I performed a disenropement on heart stuffy.



And a de-eyement on pink loofah dog. As you can see, the underlying problem was a sticky-out-thingy in its brain.



Recently I had to do some serious work on one of my oldest and closest friends, who I've had since I was a tiny (and cute) puppy... monkey.

After careful consideration I came to the conclusion that the only way to save monkey was to disarm him - and you can see how successful the operation was.



Puppies often ask my why it seems that there is less stuffing left over after an operation than they would expect. That is because of the peculiar nature of dacron, and the fact that when it is released into normal atmospheric pressure it fills less volume than when it is confined within a stuffy.

I'm also asked why it is that the day after I perform an operation, my poo comes out white and fluffy. Well, that's not a mystery at all - it's due to Clean Living, a Pure Soul, and performing Good Works on stuffies.



Really!


6 comments:

Anonymous said...

o wot a kind n selfless puppy u r, no wonder yrs poos are virgin white.

Jasper N Lily

Oskar said...

Oh Dr. Sasha, please be careful. After I did some stuffies surgery I had to go to the V-E-T to get the stuffins removed from my belly.

After a few fluffy white poops, it all bogged down in my belly and stayed there!

JD and Max said...

Hi Dr Sasha Kennel - oh, you are such a selfless puppy! We have never had any doubt that your soul is pure and white (but please be careful, after Oskar's warning!!)

We're so glad you looked after the stuffies that had travelled from our home shores - poor loofah dog, that sticky-out-thingy in its brain looked very sore!

We have to say, we've sent a few stuffies to stuffie heaven in our time too - we chewed Rat's teeth off in under 5 minutes and femaile human took him off us almost straight away as she liked him so much. He now sits in her office - not fair! Flea is amazingly robust, although we have just managed to give him an eyeoctomoy in the past week so he's currently awaiting repair as he's JD's favourite toy, he's missing Flea already!!

Schnauzer snuggles - JD and Max.

parlance said...

Pink Loofah Dog should be grateful. If you hadn't operated, no-one would have realised he was suffering from that sticky-out-thingy.

Honey the Great Dane said...

Hee! Hee! Sasha - this post really made us giggle!

I agree with Oskar though - do be careful. I have heard lots of scary stories about doggies who eat stuffing - it doesn't always come out as white fluffy poo!

I like to perform stuffie surgery too but I'm lucky in that I don't like swallowing the stuff - I always spit it out all over the room - so I'm quite safe from white fluffy poo! :-)

Slobbers,
Honey the Great Dane

Julia said...

Hey Dr. Sasha!

Wow, you do great work! I wish I could have had you as my doctor, instead of the one that took all the rocks out of my tummy. Ouch!

Happy New Year!
Maggie and Lulu