Monday, December 8, 2008

In which Sasha triumphs over the day

Today I went to the V-E-T (I'm spelling it out so my human won't know what I'm saying and go hide). We went for a first check-up, and the vet said that I am alive.

Then she dribbled some bad-smelling wet stuff on my neck, then the receptionist came in and together they sprayed something onto my neck, and then they killed me with a giant needle! This is true, they actually killed me. They muttered something about a microchip being important, but I'm sure there's nothing important enough that they have to kill me for. I yelled and screamed for help, but in the end I had to save myself and not die. Then I got a treat and some special hugs from my human. That helped a bit. But only a bit. I deserve better than this!

After that, we sat around in a room which had a display case of kittens (I hope my human orders me some, I hear they are yummers), and some big, enormous dogs came in and looked at me. I ignored them, as a puppy of my pedigree should.

Then we went out into the back yard, and had puppy school. Just us and the teacher, at first, because we missed the class last week. The teacher said my human was doing everything right, which is just as well.

Lots of other dogs came in, of different shapes and sizes, and they all played together. I was still recovering from being killed, so I just watched. Except for when everyone was sitting still, then I went and found a white fluffy puppy my size and we went exploring for a little while.

We learned how to teach our humans to give us treats, just by doing simple things like sitting and standing. My human is so easy to control, I'll soon have her giving me treats for all kinds of things, I'm sure.

We had another play session, and the teacher kept accidentally dropping treats on the ground, so I did the best I could to help her out, cleaning them up whenever I could find them. I'm very considerate, that way.

When we finally got home, it was very late, and I hadn't had my dinner yet. I was very tired. I gave my human a very reproachful look. We schnauzers are very good at reproachful looks, there are instructions for it in the manual we get when we are born, so we get lots of practice very early on. Here's one I prepared earlier:

I finally managed to dine, and then it was onto killing the sheepskin rug - I dragged it all the way across the lounge to the bookcase, where I found a Yellow Pages For Dogs, which I dragged across the floor and killed a bit. Then I went back to killing the sheepskin, until I noticed the royal purple fluffy pillow that Aunty Freya made for me with her own hands, and I killed that for a bit. Then I decided to kill the big rope dog Maandavi gave me. It's very good for killing.

Then my human gave me some dessert. It was a bit big, so she broke it into two pieces. She said something about de-worming. So I killed it. I killed it lots. Both pieces. I took my time with them, and killed them all over the lounge room. My human helped me find all the little bits on the carpet, because it's wrong to waste something you can eat.

So despite all the murdering that happened to me earlier, I got to kill lots of things before I went to bed. And that means I win!

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